How's Your Brain?
This one is for all the ladies sitting on their couch- or in bed- early on a Sunday, watching partners and kids and pets sleep, as you’re meal planning and online shopping and requesting dental appointments and ordering a replacement part for the vent hood and thinking about all the meetings you have this week and realizing your meal plan doesn’t have enough protein and ordering birthday cards and gifts for the month and reaching out to that friend whose aunt just passed and wondering if you have the right shoes for that thing next week and researching insoles for your husband because his feet have been hurting and Googling why you’re not pooping properly and scrolling social media and donating to the folks helping the flood/earthquake/drought/genocide victims and praying for an end to the wars and trying to remember which room needs the robot vacuum today and if you’ve watered that plant on the bistro table out front … ALL BEFORE COFFEE AND 7 AM!
How’s your brain?
Mine is not great. And not at peace. And up overworking since before the sun because it seemingly cannot stop... like.. ever. Because the mental load is too much. And when the sleepy gummy wears off in the wee hours, the abbreviated rest period is over.
Just me?
Didn’t think so. Different thoughts, for sure. But same load that many women carry. Because we are wired to be doers and thinkers and fixers and analyzers and nurturers and planners. And as long as there is a need, our brains will report for duty. Spoiler alert: there always a need.
Collective deep breath. And release.
I have a few things to say about why this should not be my normal, or your normal, or anyone's normal.
Recently I wrote about Cooking as Therapy and the nervous system reset I get by creating meals at the end of a workday. It's one of my releases. And I've been looking more and more into how to reset, and being more and more intentional about doing it, because years upon years of carrying a huge mental load has an exorbitant cost.
We are all becoming increasingly familiar with cortisol levels and what they mean for our physical health. Mental stress floods our bodies with cortisol, creating inflammation and killing our immune systems. We are getting to understand how truly damaging that is.
Moreover, I've recently learned about something called "allostatic load." That's the compounding wear on your body and nervous system from a stress response that never fully shuts off. And it can cause you to detach from the people and things you love because you start to see everything and everyone as yet another task to manage. Y'all... I DO NOT WANT THAT. And, given my latest propensity to couch rot on a Sunday because I absolutely have nothing left in the tank, I need to be even more diligent about taking care of my brain.
Retraining a middle age brain is more than a little bit uphill. Our minds are so beyond complicated. A lot of women my age (and probably me as well) have undiagnosed ADHD and/or unknowingly fall somewhere on the spectrum. Mix in perfectionism, hormonal changes, intelligence (sorry, high IQ ladies... our brains are often working harder, not smarter), jacked up sleep patterns, and the fact that the world has access to us at every second of the day... well, we've got our work cut out for us.
Quick pause for some science ('cause I was a Communications major and not a STEM girl... so):
Also, I want to share something I found kind of alarming about brain enhancing drugs potentially being the "next Ozempic" coming out of big pharma: https://share.google/RvtQVE1ErxwFFVd6N
I think this is a truly terrible idea and I hope we don't go down this path.
That all said, I clearly do not have the answers. As I've shared before, I like not having things figured out because it makes me more curious and open. I am proud of myself for researching and for starting to put things in motion to take better care of my brain. I think we all need to!
Here's what's been working for me (when I do it):
Breathing Exercises
Sound Baths (I haven't been doing them lately, but they helped and I need to get back to them)
Movement
20-Second Hugs
Focused Activities (like cooking and dancing that have me thinking about only one thing)
Sleep Protection (guarding my sleep window and doing all the things like eliminating blue light and taking cbd and having a dark and quiet space so my brain can truly rest)
Prayer/Meditation
DND Time on the Phone (8pm to 5am daily) and not letting the first light that hits my eyes be from a tiny screen. I try to let sunlight in first... easier in the summer months for sure.
Saying "No." Guarding my peace has been especially important in this season of grief and high stress. Everything- even what I love- can feel a bit draining lately. I wrote about Retreating. It's not malicious or personal; it's self care.
One thing I've noticed- and read- is that most of these activities are about feeling. They're about getting inside of our bodies so our brains can take a beat. Yes, our brains are driving the movement and the feeling, but the non-analytical parts of us are doing the work. A 20-second hug takes us into all the relaxing feelings and happy chemicals and our brains stop working so hard on our survival. That's true rest and reset and restoration. Healing from trauma is about finding ways to feel safe and building on those moments of safety, so our minds can relax. It's important. Feeling and moving are vital.
Our brains are our engines. They do everything. We literally cannot function without them. So, we need to take care of them. Maintain them. Be kind to them. Let them rest and replenish and reorganize.
Also, know that there are resources to help if your mind is going places you don't enjoy. Many of us have past trauma and need rewiring and to rebuild our sense of safety. Many of us have internal drivers steering us into mental overload. There are people who can make it better. We just need to call on them.
Be kind to your mind!
Xoxo,
B
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